I watched the talking heads on CNN the other night and suddenly realized that I was screaming at the TV, “Not my circus! Not my monkeys!” When my anxiety decreased, I became aware that these two simple phrases have a lot of meaning in my life lately. Then, I burst out laughing.
There are many situations that are beyond my control and I realized that those two sentences reflect the central problem when we try to control what is not ours to control.
I’ll be the first to admit that I am a control freak. I am the ringmaster directing many parts of the three-ring circus in my life. Until recently, I have relished the role of ringmaster. Yet, something is missing from my life. We both feel that we are in maintenance mode, going through the motions on Ometepe Island with a ho-hum been there-done that attitude.
What if someone else walked into our circus and took over? Could we walk out of our established lives with only two suitcases and a yearning for something new and stimulating?
Too many things own us in our lives now, and we need to detach! This is our circus we lovingly created and we can control what happens in our circus. It has been challenging, exhilarating, and at times frustrating. Yet, we have learned so much in our time here in Nicaragua.
As we learn the process of detachment, I will reflect those thoughts on my blog. We know the time has come to let go and move on. Giving up the role as ringmaster is not one bit depressing. It is exciting and freeing for us!
If you have been a reader of my blog, you probably know that nothing happens fast in Nicaragua. We have learned to be patient and live in the moment.
Where will we go? Who knows! The only thing we are certain of is that we will never buy property again. We still have a house in Tennessee and we will store a few personal things there. Then, we hope to travel the world, two or three months in one place. I will have a lot of fodder for my blog with new nomadic lifestyles.
Severing ties is never easy, but for us it is the right decision. It probably won’t be for another year. It depends on many things. But you will be the first to know!
You have followed me through our construction phase, our honeymoon phase and our maintenance phase. Now, follow me through our letting go phase. I am sure it will have quite a few surprises, and twists and turns along the way!
Soon to be not my circus, not my monkeys anymore!