Petunia gave birth to nine piglets yesterday. Today, she suffers from mastitis. My neighbors ran around my yard looking for a fat Cane Toad to alleviate Petunia’s pain, so she could feed her litter. A Cane Toad?
“What will you do with the Cane Toad?” I asked.
I know they can be deadly to dogs and cats because if animals eat a Cane Toad, they can die from the milky white poison released from the glands of the toad. The Most-Traveled Cane Toad What is really frightening in this article is that “people can die within 15 minutes of getting poisoned by a Cane Toad.”
I’ve heard of toad-sucking, but always thought it was an urban legend. I even used to live near Toad Suck, Arkansas. So, my curiosity led me to google toad-sucking, which, by the way, I also read today that googling daily may prevent Alzheimer’s disease.
What I discovered is that toad-sucking has a surprising payoff. You pick up a toad, put part of it in your mouth, and suck. The toxic cocktail that the Cane Toad produces is a potent hallucinogen. Some avid toad-suckers report that the hallucinogen, 5-MeO-DMT in toad venom, produces a full-blown psychedelic trip lasting about an hour. What a strange, strange trip it must be. Which leads me to believe that humans will do pretty much anything.
Now, I wonder if my dog, Cappy, is addicted to toad-sucking. We have a nightly invasion of Cane Toads that infiltrate our porch. Every nook and cranny is occupied by sleeping Cane Toads the next morning. Online chat rooms are filled with reports of pet owner’s toad-licking dogs acting bizarrely. I can tell Cappy is whacked-out after a trip to the porch because he runs around the house like a dog-gone-wild and sometimes he wants a cigarette after his trip. Is there such a place as doggie rehab?
I digress. Back to Petunia. I watched our neighbors gently rub the Cane Toad’s body over Petunia’s swollen and painful mammary glands. I’m not sure if it was effective as a painkiller, but the milky toxin is a hallucinogenic, and I watched as Petunia tripped tranquilly to Piggies, by the Beatles.
I hope for Petunia’s sake and the sake of her piggies that life doesn’t get worse. Time will tell. The vet arrived and gave Petunia five injections. We can only hope that Petunia doesn’t develop a toad-sucking addiction. Is there a place for piggy rehab?
The only thing I know is that life is a trip in Nicaragua and with all the googling I’ve done today on toad-sucking, surely I’ll prevent the onset of Alzheimer’s disease.