Search Term Funnies


If you have a WordPress blog, you are probably familiar with the search term statistics. They are keywords that people have typed into a search engine, like Google, to arrive at your website. Below are some of my favorite search terms people have used to find my website and my response to each one. How in the world they found my blog, I’ll never know. :-)

….sam concepcion toilet
No, your mother was wrong. You can’t conceive by sitting on a toilet seat.
….how to build naked brick house in tropical climate?
First, take off all your clothes.
….bra throw away
Only in the tropics.
….she is peeing on me
Huh?
….chicken willy otter
The sky is falling?
….foot swelling and red now turning blue
Cut it off.
….are latex gloves transported by truck or airplane
Neither…only by boat here.
….how to prevent leaning against the wall
Lay down.
….need morphine nicaragua
You need help.
….drawing owl winxs
Do owls wink?
….take the bull by the horns
Do you know how to perform the Heimlich on a bull?
….rewirement and retirement
Kind of catchy!
….what is the strongest pain medication I can get in Nicaragua?
Another search for drugs? Come on…get real.
….big sweaty fishermen
Are you fantasizing about my husband again?
….composed dolphin baby prints
Do you mean decomposed?
….gas station aluminum car parts
This one has me stumped!
….nicaragua ugly women
No ugly women here.
….pizza delivered in nicaragua
Yes, it’s true!
….ship a refrigerator to nicaragua
Why?
….retired avon products
They are all sold in Nicaragua.
….dunkin donuts in nicaragua
I wish!
….can you buy percocet in nicaragua
OMG! Another one.
….what kind of birds are bugs afraid of
Big ones.
….ignorance of our culture
That’s really stupid.
….will nicaragua let us citizens live there
They let us live here.
….ugly drag queens
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
….how do I tear down my washing machine
One nut at a time.
….recipe for sweet potato thang
First, buy a thang at your local store.
….hairy upper lip girl
Does this mean I need to take hormones?

In completing a thorough analysis of my blog search terms, I have come to the conclusion that I know very little about my audience. Their interests vary from food, to drugs, to comedy, to health (or lack of health)… from fantasizing, to “how to” articles … from fear of tarantulas, to fear of retirement…from dreaming, to doing….from living to dying. The interests run the gamut, which tells me…keep writing and keep wondering. Life on a tropical island, in the middle of a huge sweet sea, in the middle of Nicaragua, in the middle of Central America is never dull. I wonder why?