Hang In There Faithful Readers


It only seems fitting because I am from the International Storytelling Center of the World, to ask you for your patience in telling my sometimes off the wall stories about living on an island in the middle of the an enormous lake, in the middle of Nicaragua, in the middle of Central America.

This week is ridiculously crazy, so stay tuned for more unusual posts from the land of the not quite right. We’re alive and well, but lately we’ve been consumed with a new adventure. I can tell you it involves the words, “Cut”, “Again”, and “That’s a wrap.”

See you soon! Hang in there. I’ll be back next week with more stories.

That’s a wrap.

Nicaragua Ain’t for Sissies


 “Nicaragua ain’t for sissies, but it’s got a lot of soul. Folks accustomed to life in the US need an incredibly adventurous spirit if they are to adjust to Nicaragua. Life is challenging here,  for everyone. If you’re from the US,  forget the creature comforts of home. But the reward is that one develops intimate relationships with the people and the land, and these will fill one’s heart forever” ~ Silvio Sirias

He’s right, you know. Nicaragua ain’t for sissies. When the water stops running just as you step in the shower or start a load of wash, the electricity blinks off near the end of your favorite movie,  and the lack of a reliable infrastructure rears its ugly head…

IMG_1705When the fiery dragon breathes down upon the land in March and April, and the only relief is to stick your head in the freezer, find a shade tree, go swimming, or spend an hour in the air-conditioned ATM…
IMG_1703When you make an appointment and the office is closed for a two-hour lunch, or “manana” means today, tomorrow, or a year from now, or you wait in a long line at the bank, only to have ten people step in front of you because there is a SPACE
IMG_1697Don’t be surprised if your frustrations melt away, and are replaced by contagious chuckles and a ‘knowing’ smile because…..
IMG_1696Nicaragua is a country of poets, artists, and lovers. There are no strangers, everyone is welcome.
IMG_1700Generosity, creativity, and a simple zest for life abounds. Smiles are freely passed along the dusty trails. Adios means hello and goodbye.
IMG_1698Passion and humor light up every face. Sometimes, you just gotta laugh in the land of the not quite right.
IMG_1701Frustrations? Yes. However, the rewards of developing intimate relationships with the people and the land far surpass my frustrations. My heart is full; I am sitting on top of the world.
IMG_1692If you would like to read more about the Nicaraguan author, Silvio Sirias, click HERE.

Three Eggs in a Box


A popular TV show in the states asked Ron and I ( actually, the producer found my blog) to make a casting video. No, It isn’t “Honey Boo Boo”, but I think it would make a fine “Green Acres” episode. :-)   I’m not sure if anything will ever come of it, but it was fun to make.  The requirements were to smile, show lots of energy and enthusiasm, and start the video in a beautiful location. Well, I definitely exuded play acting enthusiasm when I screeched, “Three eggs in a box!” However, we did get the beautiful location at the beginning. And, I learned how to embed a Vimeo video using a shortcode.  I hope you enjoy our production, which I call “Three Eggs in a Box.”

The Expat Gathering


A gathering…a social affair…an assembly of unique expats convening together for the purpose of fellowship. That’s exactly what Theresa had in mind when she decided to start a monthly gathering of expats on Ometepe Island. Together we can share our hopes, dreams, plans, and projects.

Although our little island is only 22 miles long, with a population of 45,000 people, and about 150 expats, some parts of the island still lack electricity and many parts lack running water. New roads are slowly wrapping around the island, offering easier access to civilization. Yet, for all the progress in the past eight years, we rarely go to the other side of the island and seldom visit with friends beyond our expat internet group.

Theresa organized a pot luck for the end of October at the Cocibolca bar in Moyogalpa. I decorated name tags with orange pumpkins, Ron brought sweet potato cuttings, and we came together for our first, of many ( I hope ), expat gatherings.

What a gathering it was! I met engineers, educators, homeopathic doctors, pig farmers, butchers that make homemade sausages, herbalists, philanthropists, bed and breakfast owners, hotel owners, realtors, agricultural specialists, and retired volunteers. I was amazed by the talents of the expats living on the island…many of whom I had never met.

After introductions, we shared a delicious lunch, and made plans for our Thanksgiving gathering. Sorry to add that I didn’t take one picture of our Thanksgiving gathering. I must have been too busy making gravy and slicing turkey. :-) I’m looking forward to our December gathering. The weather is perfect, we are finally feeling almost normal after our bouts with illness, and life is good…for which I am very grateful.

Great Expectations


 

 

“There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations”
Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

Yesterday, a friend sent me a link to this article: Migration in the Americas. The first comment asked about the cost of living in Nicaragua, so I responded with information and a link to my blog. Throughout the day, I watched as the hits to my blog steadily climbed. By the end of the day, I had received more than 3,700 hits. Why? Is it because people are desperate to fulfill dreams of sipping margaritas under gently swaying palm trees, while watching the ocean waves lap at the doors of their tiki huts? Is it because of frustration and economic despair that life has so rudely thrust in their paths?

Comments ranged from curious to hopeful, and on the other end of the spectrum, from hateful to distorted with many bitter political viewpoints. Are we all doomed because we dream of a better life with great expectations? Are we fearful of improving our reality or are we expecting too much out of life?

We moved to Nicaragua without too many expectations, for I have learned that great expectations lead to great disappointments. Life has not been easy here. We knew better than to expect an idyllic lifestyle surrounded by margaritas with those cute little umbrellas poked into frosty glasses. Instead, we learned to take one day at a time, and improve our reality without playing the blame game.

I am not a victim of my circumstances. I consciously chose a simple, culturally immersed lifestyle and deal with the challenges it presents every moment of every day. As a result, I’m happy and fulfilled because I chose to be realistic and live without great expectations. Not that I lowered my expectations..I don’t agree with that part at all. I simply don’t have expectations. For me, life is easier without them.

Life in Nicaragua can be described with the Big Brother motto, “Expect the Unexpected.” After building a house in the worst flood in 60 years, encountering daily power and water outages, discovering that I have a severe allergic reaction to ant bites, a frustratingly slow internet, and watching my close friends commit suicide out of hopelessness and despair…I am still here. Why? Because this is….my life…one day at a time.

 

 

 

 

Confessions of a Sentimental Hoarder


 

 

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“There is no greater sin than desire, No greater curse than discontent, No greater misfortune than wanting something for oneself. Therefore he who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.” – Lao Tzu

I am a sentimental hoarder. Our house in the states is packed with my grandma’s china, grandpa’s oil paintings, my great grandma’s quilts, and ‘things’ passed down throughout generations. In addition, I saved all my travel mementos such as Japanese Saki cups, Brazilian hammocks,  Portuguese dolls, Moroccan rugs, German cuckoo clocks, and Peruvian Alpaca sweaters. We never bought new furniture; instead, we roamed the aisles of the Goodwill stores in search of cheap chic. Before we moved to Ometepe Island, the only new piece of furniture we ever bought in our 36 years of marriage was a big overstuffed couch, which our new puppy shredded the first night we ‘trusted’ her out of her sleeping crate.

The dilemma, of which I have no answer, is what do I do with a lifetime of sentimental possessions? They are an anchor in my life, which I need to alter, or at least start thinking of altering. We had yard sales and culled most of our unsentimental possessions, like hundreds of Tupperware containers, wobbly old furniture, and an assortment of holiday decorations. I made a website and tried to sell my collections of tins, pottery, and assorted knickknacks. Then, the recession hit and the competition was outrageous. I refused to sell my things dirt cheap.

That left us with a three-story house, all of my sentimental possessions stored in every closet and nook available, and trusted friends living in our house rent free. It has been two years now and it’s time to decide what to do with our house and my sentimental hoard. I honestly don’t miss any of my possessions from my earlier life. But, it wears me out just thinking about how to sell everything, including the house. And should we sell out?

There are some advantages to keeping our house. I can store our collections for free. We can buy things on Amazon, have them delivered to our house, and anyone coming to Ometepe can bring them to us. We still have a U.S. mailing address enabling us to keep our stateside credit card. Our friends open our important mail and tell us if something is amiss. Last week, we received a notice from the IRS that we owe more taxes for our 2010 year. We were expecting it because we forgot to include a Schedule D form for our investments. With a little creative ingenuity, they took photos of the forms, emailed them to us, and we printed them. Then, we corrected our errors and met a friend on the island, who is returning to the states and will mail our corrections for us.

Most importantly, our house in the states means security. Should the volcano or political turmoil erupt, or serious health issues arise, which would require a quick exit from Nicaragua, we have a mortgage-free place to live. Our son still has all of his stuff stored in our house, too. He inherited our wanderlust, never settling down in one spot. I tell him, “Someday, when we are gone, this all will be yours…BAAAAAH,” I repeat with an evil laugh. At least his hoarding tendencies are mostly digital. He has thousands of digital movies, books, photos, and music. Too bad I wasn’t born into the digital age. It would have eased my anxiety and stress about collecting sentimental stuff.

I am content and very happy living in Nicaragua with much less. Possessions have never defined who I am, only where I came from. They are shards of memories left behind…tangible pieces of my heritage and other world cultures. I’m beginning to believe that once a sentimental hoarder, always a sentimental hoarder.  Now, I look around my house in Nicaragua and the truth is everywhere…in the hundreds of Pre-Columbian pottery shards piled on shelves…in my collections of Nicaraguan art and sculptures….in my handmade furniture…my collections of maps and guide books…it’s everywhere. Marina sums it up well, ” You have so many chanches ( I think it’s a word for knickknacks), but you’re not pinche” (cheap). Coming from my closest neighbor, that’s a huge complement. :-)

 

 

 

What if she BLOWS?


Moyogalpa, Ometepe Island, Nicaragua

March 8th, 2010 started like every other day in Moyogalpa. The symphony of roosters ushered in the day, the March winds howled, and early risers hawked their tortillas throughout the streets. Yet, the beginning of a tranquil, sun drenched day turned dark and ominous when Vulcan Concepcion rumbled, then explosively burped ash and gas plumes 2,100 meters high into the hot, dry, blue sky. Powdery ash blanketed nearby communities like baby powder sprinkled on a new-born.

Boooom in Moyogalpa!

On subsequent days, the volcano gained momentum. On March 12, Washington VAAC, issued a volcanic ash advisory reporting an ash cloud eruption that reached 10,000 ft. By the middle of March, the Nicaraguan geological service INETER described Concepcion as ” practically in a full eruptive stage”, with 34 explosions between March 18-19.

The Nicaraguan government sent army and navy units to Ometepe Island to prepare for evacuation. Yet, strangely, the locals went about their days hawking tortillas, as if this were an everyday occurrence. They swept the ash from their doorsteps with their twig brooms, and waited patiently for the throngs of soldiers to exit their beloved island.

Did they know something we didn’t? Shortly after all the fuss, feeding an army of disaster responders, and stuffing their bellies with homemade tortillas, Concepcion decided enough was enough. Her attention seeking activity had been rewarded, and she lulled herself back into a peaceful slumber. Until the next time!

Vulcan Concepcion is a highly active volcano with a rich historical record of explosive eruptions. The Global Volcanism Program reports a series of 22 eruptions ( mostly ash and gas), since 1974. See report here.

Several Nicaraguan websites promoting tourism mention, “The Concepcion is an active volcano and its most recent eruption took place in 1957.” It’s true that the islanders confirm, “No need to panic. These minor eruptions happen all the time.” Daily life continues uninterrupted, with only a few minor inconveniences, like sweeping the powdery ash from their doorsteps.

Ash from the 2007 eruption.

Am I worried? I’m not obsessed with the anticipation of the next eruption. I have my twig broom ready, a few heavy-duty surgical masks to place over our mouths and noses, and a kayak to make a quick escape, (hopefully before we succumb to deadly gases). What more can I do?

2007 eruption from Moyogalpa

Life goes on as normal. I continue to rake mangoes, harvest fruit, and enjoy a fulfilled and stress-free life on Ometepe Island. Until the next time!

Life is a Beach


“My life is like a stroll on the beach…as near to the edge as I can go.” ~Thoreau

 

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I Feel a Change Comin’


Bob Dylan was right on! A big change is comin’ to the Pacific coast of Nicaragua. Last week, we explored Playa Gigante, a little known fishing village 18 km from Tola, Nicaragua. Close to Playa Gigante, we passed a sign for the Guacalito de la Isla, a $250-million tourism-development-in-progress by the Pellas family.

The rocky, rutted, and sometimes impassable 18 km to the beach will be paved this year. Easy access to Playa Gigante will change everything. Gone soon is the quaint and tranquil fishing village with miles of lonely Pacific beach. Gone soon are the low prices, the bohemian surfer hostels, and the tattered fishing nets used to haul in the catch of the day…all to be replaced with tacky tourist souvenir shops, expensive chartered fishing boats, foot long hotdog stands, and expensive condos on the beach.

Tim Rogers of the Nicaraguan Dispatch can tell you more about the Pellas development here. Guacalito de la Isla

Once we settled in our lodge called Camino del Gigante, we walked the length of the charming crescent bay. Within five minutes, we had taken a walking tour of the entire tiny fishing village.

Camino del Gigante from the beach

The outdoor living area of our lodge

 

 

 

 

Our room with the swans

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We were starving and entered the Nicaraguan owned La Gaviota. After a delicious dinner of fish and shrimp tacos, we asked if they had any dessert. A few minutes later, their young son ran out of the kitchen and down the sandy path to the local pulperia.Ten minutes later, we were served Hostess Ding Dongs, cut in half and beautifully presented for dessert. You gotta love Nicaragua!

 

A Walking Tour of Playa Gigante

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The last frontiers of Nicaragua are quickly disappearing. Get here while there is still an opportunity to see the unpretentious and real Nicaragua. I’m afraid big changes are comin’.

Part Three: One Step Closer


The Nicaraguan Consulate in Miami

If you research the location of the Nicaraguan Consulate office in Miami, you get three addresses and dozens of phone numbers. None of the phone numbers work, so it’s a crap shoot as to which address will lead you to the office. Tomas, the owner of the Miami Guest House, graciously offered to drive us to the Nicaraguan Consulate. The first address was non-existent, the second address led us to an empty room. Fortunately, we hit the jackpot with the third address. Located in a section of Miami called Little Havana, a string of waving Nicaraguan flags welcomed us to the pink and blue Consular’s office.

We felt as if we were back in Nicaragua. Long lines of people, a waiting room full of crying babies, a couple of people grilling chicken outside the office doors, posters of Granada and Ometepe Island, and one overworked receptionist greeted us. “Proximo,” the receptionist repeated. (Next) After a half-hour wait, we presented our papers and were told to take them next door to copy the packet. We returned to another long line and a half-hour later we submitted our packets, paid $50 in cash only, and were told to return between 1 and 3 pm to pick up our packet.

Starving, we searched the streets of Little Havana, hoping to find a good Cuban restaurant. Tomas told us that the area was called Little Havana, but we wouldn’t find any Cubans in Little Havana. Apparently they all lived in another neighborhood. He was right. We ended up in a funky Chinese restaurant where the menu was in Spanish and Chop Suey came with a tortilla, rice and red beans.

Wandering the streets on two hours of sleep, with bellies full of Spanish Chop Suey, we decided to return to the Nicaraguan Consulate and wait for the authentication of our documents. Two hours later, the receptionist wagged her finger for us to come to her desk. “They should be finished with your papers,” she said. “Let me see if I can find them.” She must have felt sorry for us because I’m sure we looked frazzled and stressed.

The authentication stamp

Our packet of documents was authenticated. We both looked at each other in amazement. “This was too easy”, we said simultaneously. I suspect that all we had to do was to take our original documents next door to have them notarized, certified, and then copied. Florida does understand Latin logic! After three long, frustrating months our documents are authenticated and we can return to Nicaragua for the next step in getting our pensionado visas.

We fly back to Nicaragua tomorrow. I am so ready to return home. Like Paul Harvey used to say….” and that’s the rest of the story.”

 

Part Two: The Quest for the Golden Ticket


The Gold Seal

Monday morning…frantic.. tracking our UPS delivery like a deer hunter… breathing deeply….chewing fingernails ragged….trying to stay positive….exploring options in case the Golden Ticket is delayed…too much coffee…unbearable waiting…waiting….waiting….

After three months in pursuit of a state seal certifying the notary, our quest is over. Below are things NOT to do in search of a gold seal to legalize documents for abroad.

1. Do not copy and notarize your birth certificates. That is illegal in most states. Instead, request at least four certified long form birth certificates for each person.

2. Do not send more than one notarized document to the office of the state’s apostille and certification department. Remember, you only need one certification letter from the secretary of state. If you send them all of your notarized documents, they will be REJECTED. Instead, send one notarized document, preferably the doctor’s statement of good health because it is not a legal document like a police report, an income verification form, or a marriage license.

3. Do not assume that the notary knows the correct way to notarize a document that you will send to the state office of apostilles and certification department. The first doctor’s report we sent to the state department was rejected because the notary did not use the correct notary form required by the State Department of Florida. We spent $44 just in postage fees to overnight the document two times, once for the notarized copy, then again for the redo of the notary’s mistake. Fortunately, we could call the notary into the office because he had started his vacation and was flying to Oregon later in the day. If we would not have been able to find our original notary, we would have had to redo all the documents with a different notary because all the documents need to have the SAME notary.

4. Do not assume that when you pay $20 extra dollars for UPS Saturday delivery, that you will receive your package on Saturday. My mother lives in a gated community in Florida. The Saturday UPS delivery guy didn’t know the gate code, so he didn’t deliver the package on Saturday.

5. Do not forget to ask for the UPS delivery tracking number. We used a courier service that is only open on weekdays. They called us last Friday to tell us that our redo document was at the State Department and they requested a $20 fee for Saturday delivery. We never thought to ask for the tracking number. When it wasn’t delivered on Saturday, we could have saved ourselves much grief if we would have had the tracking number.

We are on our way to Miami early tomorrow morning to hand deliver the certified documents to the Nicaraguan Consulate of Miami. They will check our documents, check the certification from the Secretary of Florida, and authenticate our documents. Then, we can fly back to Nicaragua for the next step in the process.  I am hopeful that the most challenging part of the process for residency in Nicaragua is over. Surely the bureaucracy in Nicaragua won’t be as profoundly confusing as in the states. But, then again…you never know. Stay tuned for Part Three.

Part One: In Search of the Golden Ticket


 Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.
~ Willy Wonka

In the beginning

I’m beginning to feel like I’m in the movie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory…in search of the illusive golden ticket. In our case, we’re in search of the Secretary of State’s gold seal that certifies the notary. I returned to the states in November to start the process for our residency in Nicaragua. After many failed attempts, Ron and I returned to the states in January and started the process all over again in Florida, where they seem to understand Latin logic more than other states. Following is what I have learned throughout this horrific and frustrating experience:

1. Nicaragua is not a member of the Hague Convention. Therefore to legalize documents for Nicaragua, they go through a chain of authentication or certification process. Countries that are members of the Hague Convention receive apostilles for the documents instead of certifications.

2. It all starts with the notary! We collected our documents: long-form birth certificates, proof of income for a lifetime, health statements that say we are of good health and free from contagious diseases, marriage certificate, and police reports. These documents need to have embossed or raised stamps…Nicaragua loves stamps! Then, all documents are taken to a notary, copied, and stamped.

3. It is illegal to copy and notarize birth certificates in most states. So, get several copies of birth certificates to include in packets. Nicaragua wants four packets containing the notarized copies of documents. Believe me when I say, the gold seal will be out of reach if you copy and notarize the birth certificates. That is a BIG no,no!

4. Once your documents are notarized, you will need to either get the County Clerk’s office to certify that the notary is a true and legal notary in that county, or in our case, just send documents to the Secretary of State to certify that the notary is a true and legal notary in the state. Depending on the state that you get your documents notarized, they may need a County Clerk’s seal and a Secretary of State seal. Since we are going through Florida, they only need the Secretary of State seal to certify a Florida notary.

5. This is probably the most important part. Remember it all starts with the notary. It doesn’t matter what state or states your documents are from. It is a chain of authentication, starting with the notary. You will only need ONE letter of certification from the Secretary of State certifying the notary. The individual documents do not need to be certified…only the notary needs to be certified. This was a BIG problem for us. No matter how we tried to explain to the State Department that we only needed ONE letter certifying the notary, they kept telling us, “No, we don’t do it that way.” So, here is a simple way to get your gold seal from the Secretary of State. ( Actually, I’m hoping it is a simple solution, because I won’t know until Monday if it worked.) Only send the State Department one document to be certified. Keep it simple and send the letter from the doctor, which is not a legal document. Have the letter copied and notarized, then send it off to the State Department asking them to certify the notary for that one document. Hopefully, we should receive a letter from the Secretary of State with the state seal certifying that the notary is a true and legal notary in the state of Florida. That is our golden ticket!

6. We chose to use a courier service to deliver our one document to the State Department of Florida. For us, it was cheaper than driving to Tallahassee to get the certification. But, most states have a walk-in service at the Department of Apostilles and Certifications. Our first attempt ended in failure because the notary didn’t use the right form on the document. So, today, we called the notary in from vacation ( he was on his way to Oregon for a week) and had him redo the notary form that was required by Florida.

7. Once we receive the GOLD SEAL from Florida, then we can take the completed packet to the Nicaraguan Consulate in Miami, FL. We’re flying to Miami next Tuesday. We found an inexpensive guest house on Flagler Street ( try to find an inexpensive place to stay in Miami! Whew!) near the Nicaraguan Consulate. We plan to hand-deliver our documents. The cost is $50 for same day authentication. The Nicaraguan Consulate only needs to see the GOLD SEAL from the Secretary of the State of Florida to authenticate our documents. Apparently, each of the six Nicaraguan consulates in the USA have copies of the gold seals in their states of jurisdiction. Florida goes through the Nicaraguan consulate in Miami. In November, I used a notary in Pennsylvania, thus if I would have obtained the illusive GOLD SEAL from the Secretary of State of Pennsylvania, I would have had to send my documents to the Nicaraguan Consulate in NY.

8. Make sure you have plenty of time for everything! First, all the original documents are dated. In our case, they were dated November 1st. That means, we have 6 months to get our authenticated documents from the USA to the immigration office in Nicaragua. Once the USA process is complete, then it will take 3-4 weeks for our Nicaraguan lawyer to have all the documents translated into Spanish, and 4 copies made of everything including all the pages of our passports and 6 photos each. Once all the packets are finally delivered to immigration, time stops. As long as our documents are delivered before the end of April (that’s when they expire), we are in good shape.

9. Be patient. Everyone will tell you something different. There is a way to work around the bureaucracy, but it requires patience, fortitude, and a lot of luck!  Remember, it starts with the notary. Choose a state where they understand Latin logic. Your documents do not need to be individually certified…only the notary needs to be certified. Make sure you have plenty of time because your documents expire in 6 months from the date they are issued. If you let your documents expire, you have to start ALL over again. It gets expensive traveling back and forth to the states, so be forewarned of all the problems you will encounter and have plenty of time for correcting mistakes, sending documents to the right place, and having them returned REJECTED, only to find another way to work around the problem.

10. Part two will start when we receive the GOLD SEAL from the State of Florida. Keep your fingers crossed for us…it’s been a long, stressful journey..but I’ve learned a lot about the process. I’m searching for the Golden Ticket and as Willy Wonka says, ” Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.”

Ron’s Passions


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For those of you who know Ron, you also know that his passions are fishing and gardening.  If you come to visit us, generally you’ll find him puttering around in the huge garden in our back yard.  If he’s not there, he’ll be in the front yard, fishing.  Our little La Paloma beach house is the perfect setting for Ron.  The early morning sun rises above Vulcan Concepcion spreading its tropical rays on his mounds of fruits and vegetables scattered throughout the half-acre garden.  The fence is dotted with wild purple morning glories and vibrant yellow flowers resembling an old English country garden watercolor painting.  In our front yard, Lake Cocibolca waves her gentle fingers beyond our front doors tempting Ron with her aquatic delights.  Life couldn’t be more perfect, or more picturesque.

With a year round growing season, Ron has experimented with a variety of fruits and vegetables.  His cucumbers, papaya, green beans, sweet potatoes, black beans, black-eyed peas, oregano, and greens are bearing now.  It’s been a constant battle, though, with the neighbor’s chickens, the nematodes, leaf-cutter ants, and yesterday, the wild horse that got in the garden and ate the leaves off his banana tree.  The only consolation was that the horse manure landed exactly in the right spot.  The neighborhood kids were here playing baseball yesterday and they forgot to close the front gate.  This morning, Julio spotted the horse and he and his four bony dogs chased it out of the yard.

Our friends and neighbors have generously supplied us with sweet potato cuttings, peanuts, basil, mint, and other starter plants.  Ron has tenderly nurtured carrots and beets for months now, but so far, they refuse to grow.  Some people have told us to pee on the plants, but that hasn’t solved the problem.  There are so many mysteries to tropical gardening.  The volcanic soil is rich and sandy, yet it lacks certain nutrients.  For example, Ron’s tomato plants were growing tall and spindly like something out of Jack and the Bean Stock, so one of my former English students told Ron to try pouring milk in the soil.  Instead, he mixed up the liquid calcium supplement I bought from the traveling pharmacist, and it worked like a charm. Now, they have been attacked by nematodes, so he had to sterilize the soil and plant them in buckets to prevent another nematode onslaught.

Ron’s garden is dotted with avocado trees, papayas, eggplant, peppers, cantaloupe, and garbanzo beans.  Between the rows and circles, Ron machetes the tall grass to make mounds of compost.  It’s a never-ending job.  But, in the process, Ron has lost over twenty pounds.  Today, he was showing me his arms and his machete arm appears to be twice the size of his other one. He’s becoming a real pro with his machete…. a sign that he’s fitting into this primitive, macho world of ours.

Although all the neighbors like to visit Ron’s garden, it’s really puzzling that no one has a garden of their own here.  We can’t understand why they don’t garden.  There are large fields of tobacco, plantains, coffee, rice, beans, and sesame seeds, but no family gardens.  We haven’t figured out if they lack the initiative or the know how, or both.  Don Jose, our closest neighbor, sometimes doesn’t have enough food to feed his family, yet he has a big garden spot behind his house that is overgrown with mango trees, lemons, and other tropical fruit trees.  One of the locals recently told us, “We like to pick and we like to eat.”  That’s very true.  Maybe they just don’t know how to dig and plant.  Fruits are so abundant here and easily obtainable.  If we want lemons, mangos, oranges, coconuts, hot peppers, or other fruits, we walk outside and gather them off the trees or the ground.

When Ron gets tired of gardening or macheting, he grabs his fishing pole and heads to the lake.  The lake near our house is very shallow and sandy.  Although, the Guapote ( the big, fat fish of the lake) are generally found in the more rocky, deeper areas, he’s been successful at catching smaller, silvery fighting fish that jump into the air about six feet. The Munchaca are harder to eat because they have lots of little bones.

His fishing pole is still a novelty in the land of long fishing nets.  Strangers walking along the shore will often stop and stare at Ron casting his line into the lake.  They’re sort of befuddled with the unusual contraption and don’t know what to make of it.  One day, Ron took his electronic fish finder to the lake with him and you can’t imagine all the fuss that it created.  For the past week, Cory and Sam have been flying a spider man kite. The end of November and  December are the windy months…excellent kite weather.  With lots of creative ingenuity and third world materials, they  attached the kite to Ron’s fishing pole and tested it out at the beach.  As a result, we’ve learned many new Spanish words like… tail, kite, wind, and crash and burn.

Ron is also the household chef.  I’m glad that he enjoys cooking because it gives me more time to write.  Like his fishing pole, a cocina man “kitchen man” is a novelty on Ometepe and I suspect in all Latin American cultures.  The neighbors are in awe when they see Ron in the kitchen preparing a meal.  Several years ago, when I asked my English student boys how to prepare plantains or other exotic fruits and vegetables, they gave me blank stares.  They had no idea what takes place in a kitchen.  The cocina is an alien world full of frilly aprons, smoky fires, squawking pigs, and crying babies.  I gave them a writing assignment one day.  “Go home and write the recipe for your favorite meal, in English.”  They had to interview their mothers and translate the recipes into English.  Not many could do it and the recipes I got were useless because they don’t use measuring cups or ovens.  The recipes were hysterical with words like, drain the blood, gather the wood, use a fistful of oil, and locate a chicken egg.

So now you have a little peek into my amazing husband’s life.  He’s definitely a keeper!!  I’ve seen these young Nica women eyeing him and smiling seductively at a gringo who likes to cook, fish, and garden and I may have to swat them away with my twig broom.  Life on Ometepe suits him well.  As the neighbors say, “He’s a beddy goot man.”

Homesickness in Color


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I am unbelievably homesick! Not for the states, but for my family and home in Nicaragua. I had to return to the states for three weeks. UGH! In a period of two weeks I’ve endured a bureaucratic nightmare of paperwork, cold and snow in my shorts and flip-flops, hospitals and nursing home visits with elderly parents, an ingrown toenail, packing and moving my mother and her husband to Florida, the Penn State scandal on every TV station, a bad haircut, and skin so dry and scaly that I look like an alligator.

To end on a positive note, I only have one more week in the states, my mother is packed and ready to go, her husband will be released from the hospital with doctor’s approval to fly to Florida, the Steelers won tonight’s football game (I could listen to it in English for a change), I shopped at Wal-Mart, drank good wine, ate pierogies, slept under two quilts, saw the stunning maples and oaks change colors, and had wondrous deep mother-daughter conversations. Life is good, no matter where I hang my hammock…..but…I’m still homesick!

Enjoy my homesickness in color slideshow. Just looking at these photos keeps me sane. I’m tapping my emerald flip-flops together…there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home.

Interruptions of a Third World Kind


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Very little has changed in six years since I wrote this story. The kids are older and mama has returned from Costa Rica. We remodeled our house, but we still have a broken plastic chair.  Patricia is still a feast for testosterone-drenched eyes. Walter, our neighborhood fumigator, continues to rid La Paloma of pesky bugs hiding in the crevices of our houses. I have taken him up on his offer to fumigate our house two times before we moved in. I’m still leery of the contents of the spray. I continue to gain a better appreciation for life through these daily interruptions of a third world kind. And, as a result, I’ll never lack writing material.

Interruptions of the Third World Kind

            We live in a bizarre world. I was going to describe island transportation, but as I composed my letter on my laptop, I was constantly interrupted by the strangest events. Thus, inspiring me to describe these interruptions as colorfully as possible (although to get the real picture, you just need to be here).

I enjoy the solitude of the mornings. Julio and Luvis are at school, Ron is fishing, and my words seem to flow with the tranquility of dawn. That was not the case this morning. It started with a morning downpour. In the rainy season in Nicaragua, the rain gives no warning as to its appearance or disappearance. It slices through the sky like sheets of glass demanding one’s immediate attention then vanishes. I have gotten accustomed to these daily barrages, so I knew to shut down my computer before the electricity went out. The rain broke through our tiled roof like a pirate in search of hidden treasure. I gathered the usual pots and pans and placed them in their usual spots. Then, I waited for the sun to break through the holes in the roof displacing the water. There’s more